changes and challenges

This week has been good. Other than a few mood swings, funny cravings, a couple of pounds gained, and restless nights, things have been okay. Leslie on the other hand has been doing really well. It's funny how things happen to the guy when his wife is pregnant. All kidding aside, the changes that I am going through are life rattling as well.

I deal with things differently than a lot of people, but most differently than Leslie. Her changes that are happening are mostly physical. (I've been reading that even the emotional changes that are taking place inside Leslie are mostly chemically based, which is still kind of physical) But the events taking place for me are all caused by experiencing things from a distance. Since there is nothing inside of me completely dependent on my own physical well being and nothing that is sapping me of my nutrients and sanity (at the same time), I am having to deal with everything from a different perspective.

It's a struggle convincing myself that these challenges are legitimate and not selfish. I don't get to live with the baby for nine months inside of me before it's born. I don't have the experience of being "attached" to it as it grows out of its metaphysical nothingness. I have to just trust the doctors and Leslie and others who have experienced this that everything is normal and I need to stay sensitive to Leslie's needs. I do my best to cope and adjust to this time for her. Don't get me wrong. I love doing that and am trying my best at it. I struggle with it just as anyone would, but I am taking it in stride and really trying to give Leslie what she needs. But what I am trying to get at is that, from my perspective, this is all very surreal. I almost have fetal envy. (is that a real thing?) While Leslie is dealing with all of these changes and challenges with her body, I am stuck in a state of contemplation and mental confusion as everything around us is changing.

Enough about me though. These are very exciting times for both of us! Our biggest source of conversation lately is about the sex of the baby. "Are you going to find out what it is?!" Well, Yes, we are. It is fascinating to me how everyone has such passionate and mixed emotions about this one little thing that is inevitable in the end anyway. We are just going to see if we see anything at the baby's next photo shoot, i.e. sonogram. This will make it easier for Leslie and I to focus on certain details of our life that are unsure; like what to name him or her, how to decorate his or her bedroom, and my most anticipated is not having to use the him or her dual-euphemism any more. Oh, and what is even funnier to me, is that everyone has their own idea of what sex the baby is. Everyone has a feeling it is one or the other. This is somewhat comforting, because if some people started saying they had a feeling it is something other than the two options, then I would start to worry. But we have had about equal responses going both ways. About half of everyone we know thinks boy, and the other half think girl. I guess that puts us back at square one with respect to the probability of one instead of the other.

And the next question is always erroneous to me: "Which do you want it to be?" Now this question, although it is asked in good humor, is somewhat puzzling to me. What if I really did think about which one I would prefer to raise? Once the child is born and things started to become difficult, would I think, "Oh I have made a mistake! I want the other kind!" Or worse, if heshe comes out as the opposite of what I wanted, would I be disappointed? Of course not. As for me, I see the potential in either sex. I am going to be overly joyed to experience whatever either sex has to offer. It is debatable who changes more in the earlier years of a new born's life, the baby developing from total dependent incapacitation, or the parents, from pretty much the same thing, with but having to nurture and sculpt the life and well being of the bouncing baby bundle of joy. But whoever changes the most, it wouldn't be me if I bring faulty expectations to the table and hope for the baby to be one thing over the other. I just hope what ever the sex, that heshe can grow healthy and happy and become strong enough to hold a baseball and bat and fulfill my lost dream of playing major league baseball, or at least getting a college scholarship playing for an ivy league school.

We find out the sex in four weeks! We'll keep you posted, unless you are the kind who doesn't want us to find out. Then we won't tell you.

Love and Sincerity,

Aaron and Leslie